It’s winter break for me right now and I am with my family. I have been thinking of coming out to my brother but I am not sure whether I have the balls.
I am 27 and I don’t want to turn 30 and still be closeted. I want to be out but I am not out even to many of my classmates. When a girl flirts with me, I usually don’t tell her I am gay. Instead I take her out because staying inside won’t be a good idea. I will end up buying her few drinks and maybe dance a bit. Then I make up an excuse, wish her a good night, and head back home. By that time it should be fairly obvious to her that I am not straight or at least not interested.
Anyway, I felt like writing something about my amala (mom). Today she saw me and my brother drink and she was very concerned we might become alcoholic. Now I should make it clear that we did not have bottles of Jack Daniels in our had. We were just drinking poor Stella and watching the House of Cards. After her oversized reaction to our beer, I was wondering how she might react if I told her I am gay. I am not sure whether she will ever understand me. She might just keep on insisting that I should change my mind or maybe even worse ask me to see a doctor.
I frankly don’t know what she would say or do but I am fairly certain that she will be sad. Like most Tibetans, she is very conscious of our image. She would be concerned about the impressions of our relatives, our friends, and the community of her gay son.